I Just Need to Vent..

This post is going to be more along the lines of a journal entry or something..

My dear fiance,
Sometimes I want to tell you everything, and sometimes I don't want to tell anything. I don't want to worry you. I need a hug from you. I want to be able to talk to you in the middle of the night when I have countless things on my mind. Or just to be able to snuggle up to you! I'm just really lonely right now. I'm used to this, used to living apart. I'm used to seeing you every three months! We're out of routine, and I don't like it, but it's about what the Navy likes/dislikes. And I'm okay with that too. I just want you and everything that comes with it. The Navy duties, your crazy grandma (that I absolutely adore).

I've been thinking about my mother recently. I want to see her and get to know her again. I want her to know what she's missed out on, the struggles and the best days of my life. I want her to see pictures from my graduation. I want to hear her say that she's proud of me. I've been waiting to hear those words from her since I can't even remember. My hard work in school was for her. I could have easily given up like many kids do, and I was constently reminded that too. I want her to meet you. I want her to be in my brothers' lives. And I want her to be around for grandchildren (that won't be around too soon)! I want her to know that I don't care about what happened and that I won't hold any of it against her. I want to tell her about my encounter with her own mother, and how miserable it was. I want to tell her everything, but I can't..

I'm worried about money when I shouldn't be. I'm working full time and trying to save as much as I can. But I feel like I'm paying for so much and will have to pay for so much more.. I feel pressure to save for us because if I don't then we won't have money for our house. I'm not as worried about that as I am about paying for college and a car. I started paying a couple of bills around her for mom, at least she'll have a couple less to worry about.

I love you very much, and maybe someday I'll show you this post full of random antics.:) I'm so lucky to have you.

XOXOXO,
Felicia